strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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