It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
