It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
