so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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