Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
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