This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
