Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
