sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
