addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
