she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
