...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
