Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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