I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
