i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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