he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
