Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
