"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
