You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
