Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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