I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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