Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Randomize
