I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I still have a little drunk in my system
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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