I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
