The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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