OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
