Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
