There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize