I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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