So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Acid is not a monday night drug
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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