So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We left the knife in your bed.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
