My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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