Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize