All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
We got so high we made milksteak
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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