I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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