speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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