I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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