Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
