Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Randomize
