Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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