i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
