the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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