What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
