You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
