I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
