So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
