somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
