and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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