Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
