i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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