Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
