Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
