Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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