Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
