hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
