I've blown a few things in my day
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
MIDGETS
????
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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