Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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