Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize