someone get that fucking seahorse.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
