ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
