I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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