She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
