I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
