So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
