I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
