that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Oh god it's open bar.
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