I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
