It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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