Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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