You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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