so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
jump out the window naked night went bad
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
