My hair reeks of homosexuality.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
